Friday, January 19, 2007
The Mind Of The Beeb: Great Hunter
I am The Beeb. I am protector of my humans, for I seek out all evil plastic that may threaten our existence. My war cry is "RAAWLrollroll!! RAAWLrollroll!!!" and when you hear it, be afraid, ye plastic invaders!! I will hunt you down and foil your plan of attacking my humans. You, plastic sandwich bag! You, plastic that encases seemingly innocent cds! You, plastic bag which holds tools for some human item that needs assembly! I will find you, and victory will be mine!! You cannot hide forever, even in garbage receptacles. No! Mine is an instinctual, almost magnetic sensing for all things plastic. And you will not win. My wrath is unavoidable, like the stench of my horrid kitty breath!!! "Meh", I say to you. "Meh!!"
You'll hear my cry in the night. You humans may laugh when you discover why and what I hunt. I accept it. Mine is a thankless quest for safety. You will never know the evil and destruction that could have been had I not saved you from The Plastic.
I am The Beeb. You see a kitty that may need that special kind of helmet reserved for those with special needs who ride the short bus. You catch me staring at the wall, 2 inches from it, and wonder "Why so vapid, kitty?" You think each 5 minutes is a new world for me, that I have no memory that is beyond 5 minutes ago. You mock me, yet I know you love me for all these peculiarities. My tardo-kitty act is just that. It is a ruse. You do not know my secret. Yes, you spoil me with food, love, affection and a super warm tuffet in which to re-gather my strength for fighting all that is plastic. But, someday, you will thank me. And I will wait patiently for that day to come, as I stand here in the bathroom, in the bathtub, staring at the wall 2 inches from my face.
I am The Beeb: Great Hunter. You just don't know.