Monday, March 10, 2008

An Interesting E-mail I received - like a Meme

hey, i got an interesting e-mail, that's like a meme. so i'm going to put it here.

instructions are as follows:

...send it back to ME. But FIRST send a blank one out to all your friends, including me, so we can return the favor to you. Be honest. They're really SCARY to get back. It only takes a few minutes, so just do it!

First send (forward) this survey to everyone you know to see how well he or she knows you.

Second, hit 'reply' and fill this survey out about the person who sent it to you and send it back to them.

Where did we meet?________________________
Take a stab at my middle name?________________
Do I smoke?_______________________________
Color of my eyes?__________________________
Do I have any siblings?__________________
What's one of my favorite things to do?__________________
What's my favorite type of music?______________________
Am I shy or outgoing?____________________________
Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules?_______________________
Any special talents?_____________________________
How many children do I have?_________________________
If you and I were stranded on a desert island,
what is one thing that I would bring?_____________________________

I can't wait to see the answers...

Please take a sec and fill out and send back!!

---- and you know what? i got it back from 3 friends so far, and not one of them got my eye color correct ;)

Sunday, February 03, 2008

Yep, Another One

got this from mississippi songbird. blame her. i love memes.

The rules of the tag:

- Pick your birth month.
- Bold the 5-10 that best apply to you.
- Copy to your own journal, with all twelve months.
- Tag people from your friends list.

I'm not tagging anyone. You can do it if you like.. no pressure!

My birth Month is June so here I go..... (i'm probably bolding more than 5-10)

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

Friday, February 01, 2008

I Smelled a llama because I'm a Ninja!

yeah...i'm lazy, so i enjoy blog memes. this is from Mike at Notoriously Nice.

This is funny, don't spoil the fun, and keep it going............Type out the sentence you end up with, in the subject line and forward to your friends...also, send it back to the person that sent it to you.

Pick the month you were born:

January-------I kicked
February------I loved
March--------I karate chopped
April----------I licked
May----------I jumped on
June----------I smelled
July-----------I did the Macarena With
August--------I had lunch with
September----I danced with
October-------I sang to
November-----I yelled at
December-----I ran over

Pick the day (number) you were born on:

1-- -----a birdbath
2-------a monster
3-------a phone
4-------a fork
5-------a snowman
6-------a gangster
7-------my mobile phone
8-------my dog
9-------my best friends' boyfriend
10-------my neighbour
11-------my science teacher
12-------a banana
13-------a fireman
14-------a stuffed animal
15-------a goat
16-------a pickle
17-------your mom
18-------a spoon
19------ - a smurf
20-------a baseball bat
21-------a ninja
22-------Chuck Norris
23-------a noodle
24-------a squirrel
25-------a football player
26-------my sister
27-------my brother
28-------an ipod
29-------a surfer
30-------a llama
31-------A homeless guy

Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:
White---------because I'm cool like that
Black---------because that's how I roll.
Pink-----------because I'm crazy.
Red-----------because the voices told me to.
Blue-----------because I'm sexy and I do what I want
Green---------because I think I need some serious help.
Purple---------because I'm AWESOME!
Gray----------because Big Bird said to and he's my leader.
Yellow--------because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars
Orange--------because my family thinks I'm stupid anyway.
Brown---------because I can.
Other----------because I'm a Ninja!
None----------because I can't control myself!

Now type out the sentence you made, in the subject line and forward to your
friends. Don't forget to send it back to the person that sent it to you! I
can't wait to see what you get stuck with.................

it was either i smelled a llama because i'm a ninja or i smelled a llama because i think i need some serious help. LOL either one is funny to me.

this goes to Beanie, BHD, Melanie, Agnes and Mississippi Steph.

or not. have fun.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

A Story

i just wrote this to a friend, and instead of rewriting it here...which i don't have the patience or time to right now, i'm copying it (hope you're not insulted, bhd.)

years ago, when i was 17, i fell for this guy i knew for years, but didn't know well, as he was a good deal older than me. friends with my friend's brother, who i was very close to. anyway, we saw each other at a party or something and started dating. very innocently. however, he was 24, i was 17. i was just smitten. he was too, for a while. but then, took me for a ride. rejected me, hit on my best friend - trish, then would send me mixed signals...yadda yadda. this went on for a couple years whenever i'd see him (not often) at parties or out at bars. he'd hit on me, we'd make out, i'd forgive, he'd drop me. blah. anyway, last time we saw each other it wasn't pretty. he was a big drinker, big partier, big womanizer, kind of a jerk. but, thanks to him i've got a really great friend in another mutual friend, dinesh....and i also contribute much of my weight gain to the depression that began at the start of his rejection of me, and my broken heart. sleeping yet??

several years later, bill ended up marrying this girl from my church who trish and i hated (she actually called trish "trash" to her face once! lord how people change!) and, more years later, went to the seminary. turns out a couple years ago, he comes back to the home town, and now is minister of my church. also my mom's church. also trish's church, and trish's mom's church.

i have always wanted to run into him, because i wanted to see how he'd react to seeing me. i have always wanted some kind of acknowledgement of how badly he treated me from him. not an apology, of course, but i wanted to see in his eyes that he remembered how much of a jerk he was to me and how much he'd hurt me over and over (yes i have taken responsibility for my part in that saga...) and i always thought it would be at church, AFTER i'd lost a ton of weight, and felt confident facing him again.

turns out on tuesday, when i was at trish's mom's, helping them go through things, pack things for her move, and get things together for goodwill, etc...there was a scheduled visit from bill and the church's wellness advocate, who is a good friend of my mom who i haven't met before. so, i knew i would run into bill, but he didn't know i'd be there. the plan was to say hello, then leave them with trish's mom so they could visit, and we could pack. trish knows how weird this could be, and in the recent past has obviously had to deal with bill on many occasions. she says he's always a little awkward with her, but it isn't ever long interactions, and she doesn't really care, so it is fine. but she knows this is potentially big for me. she was with me through all the tears those years ago. and probably more aware than i am how those things molded part of my personality, and perhaps in how i deal with men to this day. (worth me exploring in more thought another time)

so, they show up. i'm in another room, there's all the greeting going on with trish, her aunt, her sister, her mom (of course) and then i walk into the room. trish is introducing everyone, and finally says, as i walk into the room, "and of course you remember becky, bill" and, with a little glimmer of shock, he looks at me, and says "yes - how are you??" we establish that i'm living in buffalo etc. very brief small talk. he's there to comfort helen-jean (trish's mom) and we all quickly turn our attention to her. and immediately, trish, her sister, aunt and i go upstairs to do our thing. i didn't feel weird. i didn't harbor any ill feelings or self-consciousness. but that in itself is weird!

bill looks so different. he is thinner (he runs now, and doesn't drink anymore), and has that disease where you lose all your hair (alopecia?) including eyelashes and eyebrows. so he's quite bald. he was a toehead before, and one of the things i remember the most was how soft his lovely straight blonde hair was. and he had a lovely long roman nose. and blue eyes. and a laugh!! oh my. we had so much in common when it came to music etc. i held him up as the ultimate for so many years. and i often thought my broken heart would never mend, in my early 20's. it did. but he was my first heartbreak. and i never got any answers as to why. especially after the things he'd say to me: compliments. plans made. promises never kept. it fucked me up but good. even though i held onto that for too long and gave it too much power.

and, you know what? he looks happy and at peace. i am able to see that now. see that people CAN really change. when i first heard he was in the seminary, i laughed. when i heard he was the minister at my church, i laughed harder and was a bit angry and disgusted. how can people change THAT much? i didn't believe it could happen. but i was hanging on to anger and hurt. and i needed some kind of recognition from him. some kind of acknowledgement that he had hurt me, remembered, and was sorry. i admit i'd still like that a little bit. but, we had this first contact. and it was ok. it really was ok.

so we were upstairs doing our thing, cleaning out helen-jean's closet, literally. when they were leaving, they called up to us. we went downstairs to say goodbye, and thank them for coming, which trish did. deb (the woman who came with bill, my mom's friend) said "it was really nice meeting you, rebecca. oh bill! you do know that this is annette moulton's daughter, right?" much blushing, and a little smile on his face, trish turned away, and a little smile on mine, too (no eyes connecting between any of us). he said, "yes." and deb said "oh. do you two know each other??" more blushing on his part, looking down on my part, with a laugh, and trish swallowing much laughter, left the room "yes." bill and i said together. and deb said "oh. ok." and then there were more quick goodbyes, nice to meet you's etc. etc.

then trish and i ran upstairs and collapsed in laughter like we would have at 17.

actually, i really think that this first meeting/seeing of bill could not have been set up any better. really. it was because of something we were both doing for someone we cared about, so we were outside our own agenda's, and because we weren't focused on ourselves. neutral territory. and quick.

i do wonder a little about what he thought when he first saw me. and if he thought of me later. if he remembered things...but i know he did think of those things. and probably felt remorseful, too.

he's a good man. a good father. he's well liked at the church, doing good things. and most of all - my mom feels that he's definitely changed. she was his worst critic back in the day. and remembers what he'd put me through. so, if she can feel that feeling that way probably isn't wrong.

it was so interesting! i feel kind of at peace about it. of course, i'd still love to have a conversation with him...about that time in my life. not sure what i'd say, or what i'd really accomplish by it. but i do think about that. it may never happen. and maybe that's ok.

regardless, i've seen him. first time in 15 yrs. things are so different now. and i feel ok about how i look, so i wasn't really self conscious about that (first time i can actually say that and mean it, in years!)

ok, so it may not be all that funny...but i thought that comment from deb "do you know this is annette's daughter" and "oh, do you two know each other?" cracked me UP!

oh, and the other weird thing about all this? my first "love's" name was William Henry. and i married Henry Williams. insert twilight-zone music, here.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Memes Galore!

another MEME!!

i got this from missisippi songbird.

Here it is. Tell 7 random things about myself and then tag 7 more people. I'm going to tag seven. You can do this at your leisure or not do it at all. it's up to you..It's just a little thing to get to know you better..

1.) I once met Brett Michaels from Poison with Pamela Anderson (before she was lee, rock, lee or whomever she's married to now). in college at pitt, i was friends with a girl from mechanicsburg, pa. she went to high school with brett szichek (michaels). my friend trish and i went home with her one thanksgiving holiday (my aunt lived in nearby lancaster) and went out to a bar where all her high school friends hung out. in walks brett michaels and pamela anderson. everyone ignored them except trish and i. we walked over to say hi. they were very, very nice and sweet. we went back to the table where my friend and her friends were, and they threw bar napkins at us with fake autographs like "all the best, jimmy page" and "you're my favorite groupie! love, robert plant" as they tried to make fun of us.

2.) i have gone to the University of Pittsburgh, The Art Institute of Pittsburgh, and Duquesne University. I have about 6 or 7 years of college under my belt. but, due to transferring, and changing majors so many times, i have no degree. sigh.

3.) i lived in Uniontown, PA. yes, gulp, i did. i like to call it the armpit of pennsylvania. horrible place to live. and so close to west virginia (which i'm sure is a lovely state).

4.) i was married once before. (thus, living in uniontown) short marriage. it was one of those times that i was comparing myself to everyone else i knew and was hanging out with at the time. i felt behind. everyone was getting married, or had been married and was having kids...and i had not even a prospect. then i met him, he proposed 2 wks later, and 4 wks later i moved in. we got married in marthas vineyard. seeing marthas vineyard was the best thing about the 3yr union.

5.) i didn't talk to my parents for 2 yrs while living around the corner from them for almost a year. long story short...i wanted to move to chicago and was interviewing for jobs in chicago...and my parents basically told me i was stupid for leaving my current job (one i hated, but i loved the company) and it was the stupidest decision i'd make. unfortunately, the chicago thing didn't work out. but, neither did my relationship with my parents for 2 yrs. mom was treating me like one of her patients (she was a social worker and a therapist.) and i needed a mom. for all you mom's out there - never stop being a mom.

6.) i'm an only child. hated it growing up. always linked myself with friends who had big families. i loved being around big families. now i'm a part of one! married a middle boy out of 6 total kids. so many neices and nephews! i love it. a dream come true.

7.) i've never broken a bone in my body. well, that's not really true. my best friend, trish, while at a gathering when we were in 10th grade, came up behind me and proceeded to knee me in the ass. yup, broken tailbone. she didn't mean to do it, she was actually trying to miss but got too excited or something. LOL. they can't do anything for a broken tailbone at 15. no xrays, nothing. so, my ass hurts sometimes when it rains or is really cold. go figure.

this was a lot harder than i thought! i am feeling quite uninteresting.

oh well. here's who i'm tagging.


if you all don't want to do this, or don't have the time - it's fine. i happen to love memes, and i know not everyone does.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

a Meme to come back to.

i need to pay more attention to my blog...but i just haven't had much to say lately, and life has been quite busy.

in any case, i got this from ali's blog, bhd's blog, and beanie's blog.

here goes the rules:
bold all the statements that are true. My personal commentary will be in italics next to the statements I want to comment on.

some legal stuff for the meme.

Original source: The list is based on an exercise developed by Will Barratt, Meagan Cahill, Angie Carlen, Minnette Huck, Drew Lurker, Stacy Ploskonka at Illinois State University. The exercise developers ask that if you participate in this blog game, you acknowledge their copyright.

If you want to participate, please do the same. And here we go!

Father went to college - Lafayette
Father finished college - and grad school at Pitt. engineering degree and MBA.
Mother went to college - first, nursing school, then later in life, Pitt - psych and art history major
Mother finished college - BA in psych, then on to get her grad degree in social work.
Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor -
Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers
Had more than 50 books in your childhood home
Had more than 500 books in your childhood home -
Were read children’s books by a parent
Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18 - ballet, clarinet, piano, and several different types of art lessons
Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18
The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively
- weird, general statement. hmm.
Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18
Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs
Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs - not a trust
Went to a private high school -
Went to summer camp - Summer's Best Two Weeks,every year as a kid from first grade through 6th, affiliated with our church. also continued to be involved in it on the Work Crew and eventually as a counselor. and also away camp for two weeks each summer for 2 yrs in 5th and 6th grade on lake erie.
Had a private tutor before you turned 18
Family vacations involved staying at hotels - sometimes. most of the times we had time-shares, or something.
Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18 - my mom is a very talented seamstress. when i was a kid, we had matching outfits sometimes! but she made some of my clothes always. even each of my formal and prom dresses.
Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them - no, i didn't start driving until i was 25.
There was original art in your house when you were a child - yes, we all love art in my family
Had a phone in your room before you turned 18
You and your family lived in a single family house
Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home - yes, possibly also before i was born.
You had your own room as a child - yes - i was and am an only child.
Participated in an SAT/ACT prep course - yes, we were all required to do so in our school.
Had your own TV in your room in High School
Owned a mutual fund or IRA in High School or College
Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16 - florida, georgia, new england
Went on a cruise with your family
Went on more than one cruise with your family
Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up - yes, often, and to the ballet and symphony and flower conservatories and the aviary.
You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family - absolutely unaware.


i look at my answers, and i feel that it paints a weird picture. i was (and am) quite fortunate. and yes, we were upper middle class. i never thought about it, nor did i compare myself to any of my friends - except that we had a smaller house - which makes sense because there were just the 3 of us. we could have been closer, but i never wanted for anything, even love. i certainly was (and am) blessed. but, i feel moreso because my parents were so culturally aware and really allowed me to pursue any type of art that i was interested in. unfortunately, at the time, i didn't appreciate that. i was blissfully unaware of so many things. we had troubles a couple times, that i'm aware of now that i'm older, but they kept it from me when it was happening.

your life is so small when you're a kid. your whole world is your home and your school and your friends. simpler in youth.

my dad was a different person then. now that he's retired, i see a happier, gentler and less stressed man. the transformation is physical and within his character. it is a good thing to see.

my mom just had an art show at a gallery in pittsburgh, and my camera was broken so i don't have any pictures to share yet. she will send me some so that i can share. i am very proud of her.

anyway - fun meme. a good thing for reflection.

Thursday, November 01, 2007


2 days ago i was at the hospital, again, from 9am to 7pm. blood taken, iv fluids given (including potassium which i was seriously lacking!) another ct scan and more xrays. nothing was found in any of it. that would seem like good news, but it doesn't help explain why i'm so sick and feel so horrible and in pain when i'm conscious.

i made an appointment for next friday for an endoscopy so they can look and see if there's something amiss that they couldn't find in the other snapshots. and, they will blow open my "pouch" (the new stomach) to make it less tight - in hopes that that will make me feel better. i hope it works.

needless to say, i'm not sleeping because i can't get comfortable. pain all over my torso, especially around my ribcage and in between my ribcage where the pouch is. i'm constantly (TMI ALERT!) puking up "foam" (saliva) and it is getting harder and harder to drink water. oh yeah, i haven't had anything in the way of food since last thursday. i could care less about that - but the water thing really bothers me. water is starting to taste bad to me (did you know water had a taste??) i've been drinking aquafina - which used to taste the best to me! and i tried the cold water from the fridge dispenser. that too tasted weird. almost sweet. today i'm drinking evian - and cold, it is ok...but room temp - it isn't. problem is, cold doesn't work for my pouch.

all this has me so don't even know. and there's nothing anyone can do for me. so this is creating stress at home. hubby is very, very stressed out. i keep telling him if i could will this away, i would. and that i'm not doing this TO him. if i could feel better - god, i would in a second. i don't enjoy this.

thank you for all of your well-wishes and prayers. please, please keep them coming.

until then, here's the beeb.