Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Annoyed, But Not Knowing What To Do With It.

are you allowed to vent on your own blog??

i am trying to do something special and nice for a friend of mine. i've put a lot of time and effort into planning this event, and...all i get is complaints.

"not enough people are hoo hoo..."
"i always get the shaft..."
"nobody realizes how important this is to me..."
"this is stressing me out..."
"i can't understand why this is a big deal..."
"this is just too much for me to deal with right now..."

fine. some of the things aren't directed at me. but some are.

i'm feeling very unappreciated.

and on top of that - how hard is it to RSVP?

regrets only means RSVP if you're not coming. BUT RSVP means RSVP - coming or not.
i don't understand why people can't do this. i don't get why some are so flaky, clueless and inconsiderate.

i am trying to make this thing nice for my friend. obviously, she's hard to please and everything is about her right now.

granted, most of the time EVERYTHING is about her. she hasn't asked about my recent trip to the west coast, hasn't inquired - or taken an interest in/about my health or what's going on in my life in probably over 6 months or more (which i should be used to because i'm now noticing that this is typical and has been for years and years, and even when there are initiated phone calls - it is always about her first, complaint after complaint or whatever, and if there's time, she might ask about me), and i've been in my new house for a year, and she's only come to visit once, about a month after we moved in. and there was something else related to my getting married last year that happened (or more appropriately, DIDN'T happen) but all this is not related to my annoyance of late...or is it???

i know i have to suck up my current annoyance, get things done and get through this...almost like, get it over with, and then sigh with relief.

and as i'm writing this i'm remembering that she does send cards to me on almost every holiday or for no i don't go completely disregarded. but ARRRRGH!! i find myself asking myself over and over and over recently "why am i doing this??" and i don't like my reason. my reason for doing it shouldn't be the reason. but it is.


i'm just not sure what to do with these feelings right now except write them down here...

i think that's why i started the blog in the first place. to get things more clear in my own head by writing them down. usually it helps. perhaps this time it will, too.


Lynne said...

OK, you're planning something special for this person who is wrapped up in herself and doesn't seem to care what's going on in your life. And whatever you're planning isn't to her satisfaction. And the people you're inviting don't have the common courtesy to RSVP. And you're getting stressed out about all this.

WHY? Will this person be more of a friend to you when this is over? Is getting cards from her throughout the year worth all this?

Is it too late to get out of this? Is it really worth the stress to you (and probably to your husband too)?

And yes, this is a perfect place to vent!

I hope I haven't stepped on any toes here with my comments.

rebecca said...

lynn (hugs) thank you.

to answer your questions:
why? because i'm expected to because no one else will. because she gave me a lovely shower for my first marriage 7 years ago and i feel like it is my place, being her matron of honor.

when things are over?, probably not. but, we have been there for each other in the past, just not much in the past couple years - though we have a history of "us against the world" up until about 7 years ago.

is it worth it? i hope so.

is it too late? absolutely. like i said, no one else will if i don't. i'd feel horrible if i got out of it...worse, anyway, than i do now. yeah, my husband is stressed - but, it doesn't take much LOL!

is it worth the stress? doubtful, but...i'm not sure what i can do. i think i just have to suck it up.

i really feel guilty being upset about this...but, i don't know how to shake my annoyance, either. you know?

bhd said...

Boom-Boom, even when we prefaced our RSVP with "Do something new this year! Actually look up in the dictionary what RSVP means and be considerate enough to do it" we didn't get but a handful. I'm not kidding.

As for your friend, next time she expresses her dissatisfaction with what you're doing, you might want to gently and lovingly point out how unappreciated you are feeling. You don't have to be doing this. Keeping quiet when she's carping at you isn't doing either of you any good. And there is a way to say what you need to say with compassion and love.

"Wow. With how hard I'm working on this, do you understand how bad what you're saying makes ME feel?"

Kinda reminds me of my mother, who, after carping about my brother or sister for 45 minutes to me on the phone, would say, "Nobody listens to me." (Like I was chopped liver? Not to mention how inappropriate it was of her to be bitching about my siblings to me!)

I started hanging up on her, to make a point. It eventually worked, and it certainly got her attention.

Good luck.

rebecca said...

bhd *hugs* you're so right. thank you.

p.s. look for a journal re: my pete townsend trip in the next couple days. been thinking on it, just haven't had the right words yet. sure do have the pictures and the memories, though! *hugs*

The CEO said...

respondez vous si vous plez approximately. As I understand it, it means respond if you please, or in my English, please respond.

Ali can correct everything.

Achievement means taking risk. I'm sure you will pull this off. And also keep to your diet.

newwavegurly said...

There are some people in our lives that are like this. It's our choice to either continue on the path our friendships have taken, or to let the friendship fade into history. Perhaps after her bridal shower and wedding, it's time to see what is in store for this friendship into the future.

I know that I've had to let some friendships go in the past for similar reasons. Sometimes people we count as our "friends" are merely people that continue to take what they can from us (whether intentional or not), and don't give much in return. Then, we have to decide if that's what constitutes a friendship. Just like people change, friendships change.

I know this reads like a stream of consciousness, so take what you want from it, my friend.

Alison said...

If you can't vent on your blog, where can you vent?

You've gotten some good comments. I can't add anything but my support.