Friday, August 11, 2006

Last Night

so, a couple things happened last night.

first, we had a going away "happy hour" for my boss, the CFO (former CFO, now) who is moving to Vegas. he's a cool guy. very hip. about 2 yrs younger than me. nice guy. i will miss him. it was really great reporting to and working with/for him.

so i went to this happy hour. mind you, i've been to other after work gatherings for coworkers...but never stayed too long. this time i was prepared to stay quite late as this group of people are professional partiers and it was sure to be interesting.

so i went. i went with an open mind and a positive attitude. it was nice - though i felt a bit as an outsider as i have before during other gatherings. this always blows my mind. i LOVE meeting and getting to know people...its part of life i really relish. and, i ended up leaving rather early, after a really nice talk with the now former boss-former CFO (will be able to get a great recommendation letter and reference in the future should i need one.) and then i left. i was a little sad. not just because he's leaving (i'm not that sad about that, he's going to have a blast in vegas and we weren't exactly close, but had a nice working relationship) but because it reminded me of all i miss about pittsburgh and my former job there.

i never liked that job in pittsburgh, but i loved the company and worked there for about 6 - 7 years. i knew everyone. and, we had a great group of friends who did the happy hour thing every friday, sometimes went downtown after happy hour to get into more trouble or go dancing, to festivals, got together for holidays, concerts, or just for no reason to hang out. big group. big age range. and i felt an integral part of it, and was an integral part of it. i have kept in close touch with many of these folks and miss them.

when i left the party last night, i was sad because i don't feel like this is possible here. i mean, there IS a group who do things together regularly...but i've been here almost a year and haven't felt a pull towards anyone, haven't really wanted to become "friends" with any of the girls/women here....i mean we go to lunch, and like i said i've been to after work events etc, and everything was and is always pleasant. everyone's very nice...but its just not the same. its like coming into a new school or something and not being accepted by the cool kids. i've NEVER had to deal with this feeling and it is kind of just...weird. like i don't get the joke.

fast forward a few hours to my dreams:

so, all i remember is that i'm in this romantic relationship with our Controller (oh my god, that's so embarrassing now that i'm awake). we click on every level, and i'm thrilled about the whole thing. i think we may even have been living together. then, somehow, a girlhood friend comes along, jennifer (jennifer is tall, gorgeous and looks like paulina - the model who married ric ocasek from the cars) and she uses her charms and he cheats on me with jennifer. i confront jennifer about my suspicions, she denies. i confront the guy about it, he confirms. i'm broken hearted, yet still want to save the relationship and we decide to work on it as its still important to both of us.

then i wake up (yes, feeling like i've cheated on H - my REAL fiance...:lol:) and STILL have these leftover feelings about my CONTROLLER!! ok, maybe not romantic feelings but like i've lost something between us. weird.

to be fair, i've always been drawn to him - though never sexually, romantically - just that since i met him i thought he was awesome - so funny, so bright, so just cool. and we've still not developed any kind of even work-type friendship, and i had hoped for that and also a real, outside-work friendship because he is SO the kind of person i like to be around. very quick witted, laid back, and just easy to be around. yet, i'm always nervous around him, and can't quite be myself.

WTF?????????? how old am i, 13????

so anyway, my point is, for once my dream is easy to understand. i so see that because i'm missing my former work friendships, and experienced this "happy hour" with my new coworkers and felt a little sad afterwards - i had this dream that those feelings/thoughts completely come through in translation.......FOR ONCE!

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