not into blogging these days.
just not in a good place physically, mentally and spiritually.
writing/blogging about it means facing it.
and i can't do that right now.
doesn't mean i don't care about all of you - i certainly am a reader even though i'm not a blogger/writer right now.
love to you all.
Friday, October 26, 2007
Monday, October 01, 2007
A Year Ago This Week
sigh...
a year ago today i was on my way to the abacos islands of the bahamas.
in 2 hrs, we'd be at our destination with a lovely tropical drink in hand.
i cannot believe how fast this year went. our 1 yr anniversary will be on october 6. and i feel like it was yesterday.
a year ago today i was on my way to the abacos islands of the bahamas.
in 2 hrs, we'd be at our destination with a lovely tropical drink in hand.
i cannot believe how fast this year went. our 1 yr anniversary will be on october 6. and i feel like it was yesterday.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
what celeb?
http://www.whatceleb.com/
mine is kenneth branagh, which i am TOTALLY OK with, as i have had a crush on him for years.
mine is kenneth branagh, which i am TOTALLY OK with, as i have had a crush on him for years.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
meme from melanie
1. Black and White or Color; how do you prefer your movies?
depends on the movie. i still think gone with the wind should have been black and white.
2. What is the one single subject that bores you to near-death?
myself
3. MP3s, CDs, Tapes or Records: what is your favorite medium for prerecorded music? records and cds
4. You are handed one first class trip plane ticket to anywhere in the world and ten million dollars cash. All of this is yours provided that you leave and not tell anyone where you are going ever. This includes family, friends, everyone. Would you take the money and ticket and run?
if i wasn't married, yeah. but no.
5. Seriously, what do you consider the world's most pressing issue now?
war
6. How would you rectify the world's most pressing issue?
no idea
7. You are given the chance to go back and change one thing in your life; what would that be? i wouldn't have gained so much weight in my 20's.
8. You are given the chance to go back and change one event in world history, what would that be? holocaust
9. A night at the opera, or a night at the Grand Ole' Opry” which do you choose? OPRY!!
10. What is the one great unsolved crime of all time you'd like to solve? which came first, chicken or the egg. ok, i don't really know.
11. One famous author can come to dinner with you. Who would that be, and what would you serve for the meal? john fowles. we'd discuss the magus at length...and maybe the collector. we'd have bacon wrapped scallops with a dipping sauce for an appetizer, caesar salad, london broil, grilled asparagus, crescent rolls, pino grigio and flame brule for dessert. if i went with my second choice - pat conroy, we'd have KFC, or pizza hut dipping pizza :)
12. You discover that John Lennon was right, that there is no hell below us, and above us there is only sky - what's the first immoral thing you might do to celebrate this fact? nothing.
13. If you could be anywhere in the world as you are answering this, where would that be? SeaSpray Resort, Abacos Bahamas.
depends on the movie. i still think gone with the wind should have been black and white.
2. What is the one single subject that bores you to near-death?
myself
3. MP3s, CDs, Tapes or Records: what is your favorite medium for prerecorded music? records and cds
4. You are handed one first class trip plane ticket to anywhere in the world and ten million dollars cash. All of this is yours provided that you leave and not tell anyone where you are going ever. This includes family, friends, everyone. Would you take the money and ticket and run?
if i wasn't married, yeah. but no.
5. Seriously, what do you consider the world's most pressing issue now?
war
6. How would you rectify the world's most pressing issue?
no idea
7. You are given the chance to go back and change one thing in your life; what would that be? i wouldn't have gained so much weight in my 20's.
8. You are given the chance to go back and change one event in world history, what would that be? holocaust
9. A night at the opera, or a night at the Grand Ole' Opry” which do you choose? OPRY!!
10. What is the one great unsolved crime of all time you'd like to solve? which came first, chicken or the egg. ok, i don't really know.
11. One famous author can come to dinner with you. Who would that be, and what would you serve for the meal? john fowles. we'd discuss the magus at length...and maybe the collector. we'd have bacon wrapped scallops with a dipping sauce for an appetizer, caesar salad, london broil, grilled asparagus, crescent rolls, pino grigio and flame brule for dessert. if i went with my second choice - pat conroy, we'd have KFC, or pizza hut dipping pizza :)
12. You discover that John Lennon was right, that there is no hell below us, and above us there is only sky - what's the first immoral thing you might do to celebrate this fact? nothing.
13. If you could be anywhere in the world as you are answering this, where would that be? SeaSpray Resort, Abacos Bahamas.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Monday, August 27, 2007
what price?
what price am i paying to get "healthy" (thinner)?
my psyche is....lost.
i'm tired and nauseas all the time.
i'm starting to wonder (though it is silly to wonder, since i can't go back) if i should have stayed fat and relatively happy, because i'm quite sick and very, very unhappy right now.
i start week 3 post op tomorrow. 5 more weeks, they say, until the switch flips and i feel great again.
until then, i sit here, drink my water, drink my protein, and wait.
my psyche is....lost.
i'm tired and nauseas all the time.
i'm starting to wonder (though it is silly to wonder, since i can't go back) if i should have stayed fat and relatively happy, because i'm quite sick and very, very unhappy right now.
i start week 3 post op tomorrow. 5 more weeks, they say, until the switch flips and i feel great again.
until then, i sit here, drink my water, drink my protein, and wait.
Saturday, August 25, 2007
this blog suffers
i have such little energy and motivation right now, that i don't know if i can forsee keeping up with 2 blogs.
and right now, this one suffers, because everything is going into the other blog.
so...any of you "regular" readers will have to excuse me. i may have an extended absence on this blog until the focus comes off of Shrinking Me.
and right now, this one suffers, because everything is going into the other blog.
so...any of you "regular" readers will have to excuse me. i may have an extended absence on this blog until the focus comes off of Shrinking Me.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Meme from AliThinks
1) Who is your favorite country singer? Emmylou Harris or Lyle Lovett. I think Emmylou a bit more.
2) Wait, what were we talking about? uhrm, memes??
3) How do you feel about your neighbors? well, jim and carol to our right are great. older retired couple. they are sweet, funny, keep to themselves, travel a lot, and keep their home immaculately clean and neat. on our left, different story. can't stand them. they're retarded. we call them the clampetts. lots of stories about them. butch and darlene and their daughter jaime who is 15 but has the intellect and maturity of a 5 yr old. literally. sad.
4) Have you ever swum naked? If so, will you tell us about it? yes i have! at druidlabs east, as a matter of fact! with cathy, and possibly mike. i know we weren't sober. and i know it was at night in the summertime a couple years ago, and it felt lovely.
5) What's your favorite night spot in Pittsburgh? it no longer exists. a place called Rosebud. they had a great atmosphere, menu, live acts - very diverse, cool crowd, great prices. i think i went at least once a weekend while i lived there.
If you'd like to play, ask me to interview you in the comments. Oh, and here are the rules:
Interview rules:
1. Leave me a comment saying “Interview me.”
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with a post containing your the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
2) Wait, what were we talking about? uhrm, memes??
3) How do you feel about your neighbors? well, jim and carol to our right are great. older retired couple. they are sweet, funny, keep to themselves, travel a lot, and keep their home immaculately clean and neat. on our left, different story. can't stand them. they're retarded. we call them the clampetts. lots of stories about them. butch and darlene and their daughter jaime who is 15 but has the intellect and maturity of a 5 yr old. literally. sad.
4) Have you ever swum naked? If so, will you tell us about it? yes i have! at druidlabs east, as a matter of fact! with cathy, and possibly mike. i know we weren't sober. and i know it was at night in the summertime a couple years ago, and it felt lovely.
5) What's your favorite night spot in Pittsburgh? it no longer exists. a place called Rosebud. they had a great atmosphere, menu, live acts - very diverse, cool crowd, great prices. i think i went at least once a weekend while i lived there.
If you'd like to play, ask me to interview you in the comments. Oh, and here are the rules:
Interview rules:
1. Leave me a comment saying “Interview me.”
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with a post containing your the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
Friday, August 17, 2007
another blog
i mentioned i'd start another blog tracking my weight loss success story.
i did the bare minimum, and here's the link: http://shrinkingme-rebecca.blogspot.com/
if that doesn't work, it is www.shrinkingme-rebecca.blogspot.com
i will tweak it and make it better in time. it is a busy day today. just got done taking stella to the vet, saying good bye to my godsend of a mother, who's been with me since the day before my surgery, and making an appointment to see my primary care physician - for what we think is THRUSH. - my mouth/teeth/gum pain.
so...you'll have to deal with the dull blog for now. ;)
talk to you later!
i did the bare minimum, and here's the link: http://shrinkingme-rebecca.blogspot.com/
if that doesn't work, it is www.shrinkingme-rebecca.blogspot.com
i will tweak it and make it better in time. it is a busy day today. just got done taking stella to the vet, saying good bye to my godsend of a mother, who's been with me since the day before my surgery, and making an appointment to see my primary care physician - for what we think is THRUSH. - my mouth/teeth/gum pain.
so...you'll have to deal with the dull blog for now. ;)
talk to you later!
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Pain?
hi again.
everything went well at the dr's appt today. i'm doing great! incisions look good, and i'm progressing to pureed foods (whooopee!!) actually, this is exciting because i'm about sick of just liquids LOL
i found out the pain/discomfort feeling in my right side around/under my ribs is due to the fact that that is where most of the poking in me was done! that's where most of the work was done - through the 2 incisions on my right side. so, she said i could still have gas in there, or my liver could be swollen from being moved around etc. (EEK!) but not to worry.
the weirdest thing, and what is making being awake very irritating right now, is that my soreness of gums and painful teeth has NOTHING to do with my surgery, according to the surgeon. i find that hard to believe, since it's start coincided directly with my surgery.
i feel like my teeth are going to fall out. and in a way, i wish they would if it would make the pain stop.
i'm doing this peroxideish rinsing stuff that i got at the pharmacy - which helps a little, but not for long. this is pissing me off, though.
has anyone else had any weird mouth/teeth/gums pain after surgery??
everything went well at the dr's appt today. i'm doing great! incisions look good, and i'm progressing to pureed foods (whooopee!!) actually, this is exciting because i'm about sick of just liquids LOL
i found out the pain/discomfort feeling in my right side around/under my ribs is due to the fact that that is where most of the poking in me was done! that's where most of the work was done - through the 2 incisions on my right side. so, she said i could still have gas in there, or my liver could be swollen from being moved around etc. (EEK!) but not to worry.
the weirdest thing, and what is making being awake very irritating right now, is that my soreness of gums and painful teeth has NOTHING to do with my surgery, according to the surgeon. i find that hard to believe, since it's start coincided directly with my surgery.
i feel like my teeth are going to fall out. and in a way, i wish they would if it would make the pain stop.
i'm doing this peroxideish rinsing stuff that i got at the pharmacy - which helps a little, but not for long. this is pissing me off, though.
has anyone else had any weird mouth/teeth/gums pain after surgery??
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
One Week Later...
hello!!
i'm feeling lots better already. i have my appointment with my surgeon tomorrow morning to give me the official word on how i'm doing. but, my mom, who has been with me since the surgery, said she is amazed at my progress.
i have been walking around, doing things for myself, getting in all my protein and liquids, resting when i need to, writing down questions for the doc....and i've lost a total of 15 lbs already. feels weird.
my 6 incisions look good and are healing great. the only discomfort i have is right under my ribs on my right side. the doc said that they had a hard time with me because i'm so high/short waisted, so they blew in a lot of gas and had to do a lot of manuevering in there to get done what was needed. my mom thinks my discomfort is just from internal swelling still, not that anything is wrong. but, that's one of the things i'll talk about with the doc tomorrow morning.
i'm excited to hopefully move on from the liquid stage to the pureed foods/soft foods stage. more choices. looking forward to it. we'll see what happens.
i'll check in and let you guys know what i hear from my surgical team tomorrow.
thanks for the support!! :)
i'm feeling lots better already. i have my appointment with my surgeon tomorrow morning to give me the official word on how i'm doing. but, my mom, who has been with me since the surgery, said she is amazed at my progress.
i have been walking around, doing things for myself, getting in all my protein and liquids, resting when i need to, writing down questions for the doc....and i've lost a total of 15 lbs already. feels weird.
my 6 incisions look good and are healing great. the only discomfort i have is right under my ribs on my right side. the doc said that they had a hard time with me because i'm so high/short waisted, so they blew in a lot of gas and had to do a lot of manuevering in there to get done what was needed. my mom thinks my discomfort is just from internal swelling still, not that anything is wrong. but, that's one of the things i'll talk about with the doc tomorrow morning.
i'm excited to hopefully move on from the liquid stage to the pureed foods/soft foods stage. more choices. looking forward to it. we'll see what happens.
i'll check in and let you guys know what i hear from my surgical team tomorrow.
thanks for the support!! :)
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Ouch
Ouch
but, everything couldn't have gone any better, really.
it was a total clusterfuck - aside from the surgery itself - and i love my surgeon, but the rest of my experience at the hospital was fucking ridiculous and painful. the nurses were horrible and mean. their response time was unreal. i have never in my life had such a bad experience.
the good news is i'm fine. i'm healthy. the surgery was top notch and i'm now home.
awaiting my Darvon for pain and watching my 6 incisions heal. :)
thanks to all of you for your support and encouragement along the way.
it means more than you know.
but, everything couldn't have gone any better, really.
it was a total clusterfuck - aside from the surgery itself - and i love my surgeon, but the rest of my experience at the hospital was fucking ridiculous and painful. the nurses were horrible and mean. their response time was unreal. i have never in my life had such a bad experience.
the good news is i'm fine. i'm healthy. the surgery was top notch and i'm now home.
awaiting my Darvon for pain and watching my 6 incisions heal. :)
thanks to all of you for your support and encouragement along the way.
it means more than you know.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Waiting Almost Over!
a few updates:
last weekend H and i went to hidden valley, pa to stay at a condo belonging to my mom & dad's best friends. gorgeous place. we just wanted to get away, and we really enjoyed ourselves.
while there, we took a trek to fallingwater. man...i lived near there for 3 yrs and never got to see it. i'm glad i finally went. beautiful, magical place.
we also took a tour of nemacolin woodlands, and where i used to live - the terribly gross town of uniontown, pa. i have to tell you - it was worse than i remembered, and worse than hank imagined. i showed him where i lived - the house still looked ok, same with the yard - well cared for, etc., but no sign of my ex or mojo. they must have been inside or away. let me tell you that we couldn't get out of uniontown quick enough. SUCH a depressing area. makes lackawanna, ny or coraopolis, pa look like resort towns.
it was a lovely getaway, though. i really needed it.
when we returned, this week was all about prepping for my surgery coming up next tuesday!
yes - it is finally time. got the clearance from my primary physician, the results from my EKG, blood & urine work, chest xray etc. everything is perfect. got the go ahead from my surgical team who i saw on tuesday this week. they answered all the questions i had, but i came up with some more that i have to ask before surgery tuesday.
some people having this surgery have been on circulation machines hooked up to their legs to help prevent blood clots. as well, some were sent home with injections to prevent clots as well. neither has been mentioned to me, and i'm a little concerned about it. however, they did tell me i will be wearing special hose on my legs to make sure circulation is good and to prevent clots. nothing about any machinery hooked up to these hose, though. so we'll see.
other than that i feel very prepared and ready. my mom will come on monday afternoon. she and H's mom will accompany him in the waiting room while i have my surgery tuesday morning. my mom will be staying with us for as long as i need help. which, could be anywhere from a week to 3. no way of knowing how quickly i'll be back on my feet. this is different surgery from the lap-band surgery - more invasive and intense, and there are more incisions, though it is all done laproscopically. my mom will be with me most of the day and evening, but she will be sleeping at H's mom's place as she has a guest room and we don't. i'm a bit relieved that this is working out so easily.
i plan on making a new blog - a photo journey of my success in weight loss surgery. so i'll keep you all posted as to that link if and when it happens.
anyway - i may or may not feel like blogging afterwards for a bit, but if you think of it around 7:30 AM EST on tuesday morning, august 7 - say a prayer or send some good vibes/thoughts my way. i will certainly appreciate it more than you know.
ttfn!
last weekend H and i went to hidden valley, pa to stay at a condo belonging to my mom & dad's best friends. gorgeous place. we just wanted to get away, and we really enjoyed ourselves.
while there, we took a trek to fallingwater. man...i lived near there for 3 yrs and never got to see it. i'm glad i finally went. beautiful, magical place.
we also took a tour of nemacolin woodlands, and where i used to live - the terribly gross town of uniontown, pa. i have to tell you - it was worse than i remembered, and worse than hank imagined. i showed him where i lived - the house still looked ok, same with the yard - well cared for, etc., but no sign of my ex or mojo. they must have been inside or away. let me tell you that we couldn't get out of uniontown quick enough. SUCH a depressing area. makes lackawanna, ny or coraopolis, pa look like resort towns.
it was a lovely getaway, though. i really needed it.
when we returned, this week was all about prepping for my surgery coming up next tuesday!
yes - it is finally time. got the clearance from my primary physician, the results from my EKG, blood & urine work, chest xray etc. everything is perfect. got the go ahead from my surgical team who i saw on tuesday this week. they answered all the questions i had, but i came up with some more that i have to ask before surgery tuesday.
some people having this surgery have been on circulation machines hooked up to their legs to help prevent blood clots. as well, some were sent home with injections to prevent clots as well. neither has been mentioned to me, and i'm a little concerned about it. however, they did tell me i will be wearing special hose on my legs to make sure circulation is good and to prevent clots. nothing about any machinery hooked up to these hose, though. so we'll see.
other than that i feel very prepared and ready. my mom will come on monday afternoon. she and H's mom will accompany him in the waiting room while i have my surgery tuesday morning. my mom will be staying with us for as long as i need help. which, could be anywhere from a week to 3. no way of knowing how quickly i'll be back on my feet. this is different surgery from the lap-band surgery - more invasive and intense, and there are more incisions, though it is all done laproscopically. my mom will be with me most of the day and evening, but she will be sleeping at H's mom's place as she has a guest room and we don't. i'm a bit relieved that this is working out so easily.
i plan on making a new blog - a photo journey of my success in weight loss surgery. so i'll keep you all posted as to that link if and when it happens.
anyway - i may or may not feel like blogging afterwards for a bit, but if you think of it around 7:30 AM EST on tuesday morning, august 7 - say a prayer or send some good vibes/thoughts my way. i will certainly appreciate it more than you know.
ttfn!
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Women In Art
i love this. my mom sent it to me. hope you like it, too.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUDIoN-_Hxs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUDIoN-_Hxs
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
a boring update
so, finally, we have a fence and a cleaned up yard. what should have been a 4 day job took 3+ weeks due to, in my opinion, work ethic. so be it, it's done.
dogs are thrilled, loving life - it is a whole new world out there for them. AND this has almost completely taken care of the housebreaking problem. thank god.
my parents came to town for my birthday for the weekend (june 30) and we had a great time celebrating mine, my father's and my husband's birthdays. last week, H was diagnosed with walking pneumonia. the day after, i was diagnosed with asthmatic bronchitis. H is almost completely healthy. my antibiotics were only for 5 days, and yesterday i was without, and i feel like i'm getting the crud all over again. luckily, the dr called in more antibiotics for me, and the wonderful musinex d, so i hopefully will be on the mend soon. i'm sick of being sick. it is boring and annoying.
i was to start 2 classes this week at the CEPA Gallery in downtown buffalo. monday was the intro to photoshop class, and wednesday (today) the intro to digital point n shoot photography. well. i went to monday night's class. this was supposed to be for beginners. everyone else (6 people) had used photoshop before or currently uses it for work. and, there were no PCs. all Macs. i felt handicapped throughout the class - and so, after much disappointment and talking it over with H - i decided to get my money back from this class. i won't get out of it what i want to, because i'll be asking for help navigating a Mac, while trying to learn photoshop too, and the instructor doesn't have time to handhold me while keeping the other students happy at a faster pace because they know Macs and a bit about the software. i am very sad about this, but i'll get over it. i did look at community colleges and other colleges/universities in the area before i signed up for this class - but noone else was offering intro classes. so i took a chance. oh well. oh, and the intro to point and shoot digital photography class on wednesdays? it is cancelled. i was the only one who signed up for it. :(
so, i will eventually get myself Photoshop, and learn it on my own. i'm also going to try to search again for intro photography classes around. i'd been looking forward to this since march, and had to wait until june for these classes to be scheduled in july. so we'll see how long before i can jump into what i really want to as far as classes like these.
next week i'm going on thursday through sunday to cape cod to visit H's older sister Susan and her daughter and husband. not supposed to have favorites, but of H's siblings, she's the one i like the most, and is the farthest away. this is another reason why i want to get healthy quickly. i don't want to go away feeling like this, and then pass it on. plus, my surgery is coming soon, and i want to be as healthy as possible for that!
picked up a new "hobby" from my mom when she was here. embroidering with beads. it is fun. i'm still getting the hang of it, but it will definitely keep me busy while i'm recouperating from the surgery.
well, that's pretty much all that's going on in my world these days. like i said, boring. snoozefest. what can you do?
dogs are thrilled, loving life - it is a whole new world out there for them. AND this has almost completely taken care of the housebreaking problem. thank god.
my parents came to town for my birthday for the weekend (june 30) and we had a great time celebrating mine, my father's and my husband's birthdays. last week, H was diagnosed with walking pneumonia. the day after, i was diagnosed with asthmatic bronchitis. H is almost completely healthy. my antibiotics were only for 5 days, and yesterday i was without, and i feel like i'm getting the crud all over again. luckily, the dr called in more antibiotics for me, and the wonderful musinex d, so i hopefully will be on the mend soon. i'm sick of being sick. it is boring and annoying.
i was to start 2 classes this week at the CEPA Gallery in downtown buffalo. monday was the intro to photoshop class, and wednesday (today) the intro to digital point n shoot photography. well. i went to monday night's class. this was supposed to be for beginners. everyone else (6 people) had used photoshop before or currently uses it for work. and, there were no PCs. all Macs. i felt handicapped throughout the class - and so, after much disappointment and talking it over with H - i decided to get my money back from this class. i won't get out of it what i want to, because i'll be asking for help navigating a Mac, while trying to learn photoshop too, and the instructor doesn't have time to handhold me while keeping the other students happy at a faster pace because they know Macs and a bit about the software. i am very sad about this, but i'll get over it. i did look at community colleges and other colleges/universities in the area before i signed up for this class - but noone else was offering intro classes. so i took a chance. oh well. oh, and the intro to point and shoot digital photography class on wednesdays? it is cancelled. i was the only one who signed up for it. :(
so, i will eventually get myself Photoshop, and learn it on my own. i'm also going to try to search again for intro photography classes around. i'd been looking forward to this since march, and had to wait until june for these classes to be scheduled in july. so we'll see how long before i can jump into what i really want to as far as classes like these.
next week i'm going on thursday through sunday to cape cod to visit H's older sister Susan and her daughter and husband. not supposed to have favorites, but of H's siblings, she's the one i like the most, and is the farthest away. this is another reason why i want to get healthy quickly. i don't want to go away feeling like this, and then pass it on. plus, my surgery is coming soon, and i want to be as healthy as possible for that!
picked up a new "hobby" from my mom when she was here. embroidering with beads. it is fun. i'm still getting the hang of it, but it will definitely keep me busy while i'm recouperating from the surgery.
well, that's pretty much all that's going on in my world these days. like i said, boring. snoozefest. what can you do?
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Mojo (jojo)
for those of you who have known me for a while, you know that i once was married before, and once had a pug puppy named mojo.
since my divorce, i had been emailing my ex for updates on mojo. hoping for health updates and pictures, as we agreed on when i left. nothing ever happened. at least once a year i contacted him via e-mail (and yes, i had the correct e-mail as he has a side business with an e-mail address, which never changes) and never heard a peep, much to my dismay.
probably the hardest thing i've ever had to do was pack up and walk away from my puppy. he was almost a year old when i left. i couldn't say goodbye to him when i was moving out because it was just too hard and he would have been too wound up. so the last time i saw him he was upstairs in doren's home in his crate happily chewing on his bone.
over the years, i've had vivid dreams about mojo. most were good - he'd been healthy and alive, but had been ignored or passed over for other canine additions to his family...and i'd cry and cry upon waking. i never had any dreams that he was hurt or mistreated or (gulp) dying/dead. still, these dreams were so real and so full of complete images and emotions that it squeezed and wrenched my heart open each time.
yesterday, hank e-mailed my ex to let him know that we would be in the area over the last weekend in july (we're going for a holiday at my mom's best friend's condo in hidden valley, pa) and that if he had the slightest desire to let mojo go, to please let us know, we'd reimburse with money and arrange a time and meeting to pick him up.
i'm so thrilled to hear that mojo is not only alive, but healthy, happy and much loved. he will be staying where he is...but should that change, i get first dibs. i'm thrilled about this. you have no idea.
this is the response hank got from my ex:
"Hi,
I’m very sorry to hear that Rebecca has nightmares about Mojo. I understand it wasn’t an easy choice leaving him behind, but unfortunately I can’t part with him as I’m sure you would understand, not to mention that I’d probably be divorced for a 3rd time if I did! I could offer the occasional photo via email if that would help her. She has not contacted me in several years so I have never known of this anguish, but I would hope this slight offering would help in her feeling confident that he is safe and being very well cared for and loved as I’m sure Ferris is also. He, in fact, just went to the Vet again for his check-up and is perfectly healthy and just applied for a Home Again ID and lifetime license. We even discovered that he has a slightly longer nose than regular Pugs which enables him to breathe better than the average Pug. I commend your tack and respect in emailing me. I can tell you must have a great deal of respect for others, not to mention your love for Rebecca. Again I regret that we won’t be able to part with Mojo, but I hope the prospect of the occasional emailed photo would be a kind and respectful offer. I can easily send the hi-res version also so if you would like to print them they would be of excellent quality. I’m afraid that’s all I can offer, but if anything were to ever change Rebecca would be the only person I would trust in giving Mojo a home to. He even stays with my Mom & Wes (his God-Parents) when we are out of town, which he thinks is just the best thing in the world!
Hope this email reaches you guys well and look forward to your response.
Thanks,
-D"
perhaps now, i will stop dreaming about mojo, and i can rest a little easier, feel reassured, and maybe finally let go knowing that he is loved and doing fine.
still, the tears came. how could they not?
since my divorce, i had been emailing my ex for updates on mojo. hoping for health updates and pictures, as we agreed on when i left. nothing ever happened. at least once a year i contacted him via e-mail (and yes, i had the correct e-mail as he has a side business with an e-mail address, which never changes) and never heard a peep, much to my dismay.
probably the hardest thing i've ever had to do was pack up and walk away from my puppy. he was almost a year old when i left. i couldn't say goodbye to him when i was moving out because it was just too hard and he would have been too wound up. so the last time i saw him he was upstairs in doren's home in his crate happily chewing on his bone.
over the years, i've had vivid dreams about mojo. most were good - he'd been healthy and alive, but had been ignored or passed over for other canine additions to his family...and i'd cry and cry upon waking. i never had any dreams that he was hurt or mistreated or (gulp) dying/dead. still, these dreams were so real and so full of complete images and emotions that it squeezed and wrenched my heart open each time.
yesterday, hank e-mailed my ex to let him know that we would be in the area over the last weekend in july (we're going for a holiday at my mom's best friend's condo in hidden valley, pa) and that if he had the slightest desire to let mojo go, to please let us know, we'd reimburse with money and arrange a time and meeting to pick him up.
i'm so thrilled to hear that mojo is not only alive, but healthy, happy and much loved. he will be staying where he is...but should that change, i get first dibs. i'm thrilled about this. you have no idea.
this is the response hank got from my ex:
"Hi,
I’m very sorry to hear that Rebecca has nightmares about Mojo. I understand it wasn’t an easy choice leaving him behind, but unfortunately I can’t part with him as I’m sure you would understand, not to mention that I’d probably be divorced for a 3rd time if I did! I could offer the occasional photo via email if that would help her. She has not contacted me in several years so I have never known of this anguish, but I would hope this slight offering would help in her feeling confident that he is safe and being very well cared for and loved as I’m sure Ferris is also. He, in fact, just went to the Vet again for his check-up and is perfectly healthy and just applied for a Home Again ID and lifetime license. We even discovered that he has a slightly longer nose than regular Pugs which enables him to breathe better than the average Pug. I commend your tack and respect in emailing me. I can tell you must have a great deal of respect for others, not to mention your love for Rebecca. Again I regret that we won’t be able to part with Mojo, but I hope the prospect of the occasional emailed photo would be a kind and respectful offer. I can easily send the hi-res version also so if you would like to print them they would be of excellent quality. I’m afraid that’s all I can offer, but if anything were to ever change Rebecca would be the only person I would trust in giving Mojo a home to. He even stays with my Mom & Wes (his God-Parents) when we are out of town, which he thinks is just the best thing in the world!
Hope this email reaches you guys well and look forward to your response.
Thanks,
-D"
perhaps now, i will stop dreaming about mojo, and i can rest a little easier, feel reassured, and maybe finally let go knowing that he is loved and doing fine.
still, the tears came. how could they not?
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